Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, LCPC, imago therapist and co-founder of the Marriage Restoration Project, says that even though "a grandparent's job is to spoil the grandkids, their agenda can conflict with that of Mom and Dad, and can lead to a clash." Grandparents can be loving, but at the same time, must "respect the parents' values and standards and not overstep boundaries or undermine" them. With that in mind, if you're a grandparent, make sure you know these important things grandmas and grandpas should avoid in order to stay on everyone's good side. And for more to know about being a grandparent, here are 40 Things Guaranteed to Annoy Grandparents.
Never Stand between a Nana and her Grandkids shirt
While you may want to share the joy of holding your grandchildren with others, that doesn't mean a stranger or an acquaintance the baby's parents don't know should get to hold your grandchild, too. Not everyone who comments on how cute your grandkids are needs to physically touch them. And as the coronavirus pandemic has reminded us, you never know who's sick with something they could pass on to that vulnerable little one.
You may not think that there's much of a difference between organic food and the less expensive stuff your kids were raised on, but that doesn't mean you can simply ignore how your grandkids' parents want them to be fed. Silly as it may seem to you, if they say that organic cheese puffs and fruit snacks are better than the traditional packaged versions, it's your job to oblige.
Who doesn't want those Norman Rockwell-style Christmases with their kids and grandkids? Well, unfortunately, that might not always be possible. If you're not the only set of grandparents, your grandkids may have to divide their time between homes at the holidays. You remember how hard that is, right? It's certainly not worth arguing about.
Whether it's their first time eating ice cream or their first attempt at riding a bike, it's important for grandparents to ask before taking their grandkids out for a major life experience. Just like you might have been sad to miss your own child's first steps, you never know what milestones are a big deal to a kid's parents until you ask.
Families come in all shapes and sizes, and providing your input on how you think your grandkids' family should look is never going to yield positive results. It may take a minute for you to come to terms with the fact that your grandkids won't be raised exactly the same way you raised their parents, but it's important to show that you love and support their family anyway.
It's understandable that you're completely enamored with your grandkids. That said, if you're not immediately asked to be a constant fixture in your grandchild's life, especially in the first few months of it, that doesn't mean it's time to start laying on the "you never know how many years I have left" lines. The first few months of a baby's life are a struggle for both the little one and the parents alike, and guilt-tripping the new family about your lack of inclusion is only going to make you persona non grata in their lives.
You may have been able to take your kids on a vacation every year and send them to expensive sleep-away camp each summer, but you shouldn't expect their parents to do the same. Not every family has that financial privilege, and expecting that your grandkids will live according to your standards will only put undue pressure on both them and their parents.
2. Don't forget how to say no. Never commit to babysitting or ongoing child care if you really don't want to do it. You will end up feeling resentment. Remember, you're entitled to have a life, too. When you offer or accept the request to care for grandchildren, go in with your eyes wide open and set some boundaries. You may be willing to make some sacrifices for your grandchildren and welcome the opportunity to care for them, but don't feel you have to spend every possible moment with them. Live your own life with balance and you'll be a great role model. When it comes to gifts for grandchildren, the same rules apply. Don't allow yourself to be "guilted" into spending more money on grandkids than you can afford. If their parents rely on you to pay for extras or even basics, consider your own financial security and remember that even the little things add up. Have the intention of generosity, but be prudent. Otherwise, you may end up needing their help. Grandparents often say the difference between a grandparent and a parent is that what they do for grandchildren is a choice, not an obligation. Make good choices with your time and finances.
Your grandkids may resent being separated from their parent and wish to return, even if their home situation was dangerous or abusive. Don't take this personally. The parent-child bond is powerful. Even if the children are old enough to understand that they're better off with you, they will still miss their parent and struggle with feelings of abandonment.
These were lies. In the days before turning himself in, Hodne had tried to convince Brickowski to vouch for him regarding one of the nights Musser was interested in. "Todd tried to tell me, 'That's bulls---, because you and I know we were both at the library that night,'" remembers Brickowski, who went on to play 13 years in the NBA and whose father had taught Hodne driver's ed in high school. "And I looked at him. I go, 'What?' He says, 'We were at the library that night. Study hall.' And I'm like, 'Todd, we never stayed in study hall.' We would go to study hall, sign in the front and slip out the back and have someone sign our names. And he goes, 'No, no, on this night, we did.' And I go, 'No, we f---ing didn't. And that was the break between him and I."
Collins' files also yielded a report written by Musser two days after Betsy Sailor was raped. That report identifies "a similarity between this case [Sailor's] and 678-08239 [Karen's case], invol. Deviate Sexual Intercourse," and indicates Musser "reinterviewed [Karen] and showed her the [artist composite] sketch. She said he looks familiar, but the nose didn't seem quite right." Also in those files is a report in which Musser questioned Hodne, and later his parents, on the day he was arrested in State College. They had come to State College to post bail. "Mr. Hodne was shown the knife used and he indicated that he had never seen it," the report stated. "He stated that his son was at home on August 20th, 1978," the day after Karen was attacked.
"On the outside, I was the All-American kid," Hodne says in a 2019 parole hearing, the year before he died. "I was given a full scholarship. I had colleges coming to see me in high school, offering to buy me cars to go to school, to give me money. I chose Penn State and did very well there the first semester . . . And to understand what happened from here, I actually have to go back to the decisions I made when I was 12 or 13 or even younger. The football was everything, my self-worth. It was who I was. It was also where I expressed what you might deem negative emotions. I never dealt with anything in my life, and I stored it up and turned it into anger on the football field, and it made me a very good football player. When I first started playing, I wasn't very aggressive, and they taught me to channel my emotions and become where you don't have empathy for people. The other team is your enemy, and it is your job to destroy them. So I started to develop at a very young age my view of [being] a man was that you didn't show emotion. I had older brothers; if I cried in front of them, they made fun of you. So I really didn't have any other coping mechanism other than you just internalize it and bring it on to the football field."
It was an assault on all of them. They wound up staying in the house in Oyster Bay Cove because Kathleen's father was a lawyer who had deep ties to the community and political ambitions. But Nana never physically recovered from Hodne's tackle. Kathleen's brother couldn't stand sleeping in the room where his mother had been raped, and Kathleen did everything she could to get kicked out of St. Dominic. And Georgette rarely left the house until at last she and Donald left the house for good and moved to Florida in 1997. "I have a picture of when she first got to Florida, and I've never seen her smile a smile like that," Kathleen says. "She was just so happy to get the hell out of Oyster Bay. She said, 'I could not live my life.' I don't think she ever enjoyed herself again until they got to Florida, and then they were like little kids. And then my father passed away within a year, and that was the end of her again. I had such a hard life with her. I couldn't help her."
"I ended his life," Hodne said. "It's unforgivable; it's inexcusable. And then I tried to blame it on him at the trial, tried to make myself the victim. I'm sorry." Hodne's daughter was born when he was in jail awaiting trial, and he married her mother when the trial began. His daughter had made him feel more empathetic, he said: "I've never been out there for her . . . and maybe the first family visit she had she was asking me when I was coming home. She wanted me home, and she started crying. And that night, I could only think about, 'This is what I've done to [Hirsch's] children.' I believe it helped me understand a little bit better the damage that I caused."
Beyond The very first day we met was like magic There was never to be static or discord between us We reached a point in our lives of blissfulness Beyond what we could love on our own separately.
My mother has lived with my three kids and I for the past 5.5 years. She has mental and emotional health issues and was unable to live by herself a handful of years ago due to being suicidal with ideation and I told her to come home. She is constantly questioning, undermining, criticizing and negating they my authority in front of and or to my children directly. She complains about my parenting methods to me in front of my children and anything else she can find to complain about or comment about from the sidelines, she feels absolutely free to do so. She has complained about any and all relationships I have been in, previous to her arrival and since. And makes herself out to be the victim, whenever I stand up for myself or when she says some kind of blanket statement in general about me or my children in or around our space. 2ff7e9595c
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